A Life Isn't A Story

A Life Isn't a Story.....but this is mine....

One day I'll tell you what these scars mean to me, to you they're just a past that you never could see, but to me they mean more than just a past story. A life is more than just a story.

Every smile I've ever given, every line has more than just what's there. A life is more than just a story, it's layers of painted art not quite perfect, beautifully calm and dark- just a reflecting pool for you to stare. You won't always see the bottom, but babe I'll let you see this time. Each scar has a story, I'll tell you of this one tonight, just promise you'll hold my hand. This artwork ain't a Picasso but it's beautiful all the same, it's in the eyes of the beholder, they'll see the bottom layer of this beautiful disaster and you'll know I'll love you always, cause you've seen past the smile straight to the pain, but you made me laugh with your own masterpiece of life and showed me the way.

You see this new scar, it was because of you and only you, I'll live with it forever and never forget it's there because I'll always love you, it will be my reminder of our time together. No matter what new paint you put on, I'll always think you're a masterpiece maybe just a little lost and confused. But life's more than just a story, it contains more than just us, life goes on and carrys new firsts and new glues. These pieces you've shared I love forever, but you took this painting off my wall and decided you'd go use, new decisions new paints darker and no longer tinted golden blue.

A life is more than just a story, I'll always love you more with each passing day.

These bottom layers only mean what you want them to, a simple past to paint the future upon. I see the joy and happiness and the past you've tried to glue, pieces upon pieces broken in more than two by two. Your painted life colored and darkened shows the most beautiful soul this life has ever seen. It's more than just a story these emotions we feel, painted deep for others to see bleeding reds and blues. Don't let the bottom of this pool of paint scare you, it's made you You. We're becoming who we are through and through. So let's forget to peel these backs off, let's leave them to slowly heal. The paint will dry, a new brush will come, you're beautiful and that's true. A life is more than just a story, this artwork is part of you. Your life is a beautiful painting to me, you know I'll love you always.

A life is more than just a story, I'll love you more with each passing day.

Hopefully you'll understand when I tell you, I'm not who you thought I was today. See this scar? It's more than just a story, it's made me who I am tonight even though it's still brand new and shiny bright. I'm not who you may want me to be, but I'll always have my hand open for you. Tonight just hold mine, and I'll tell you the rest of this scar's story, it's a painting a life of it's own for you. The bottom of this paint pool is a different color, but you know I'll always love you.I won't hold you here for long, just tonight give me the comfort I want. I show this painting just for you, because I can't lie forever with these hidden feelings torturing me over little things. My life is more than just a story, but I painted this one for you. I love you and I'm not afraid, but I know I have to throw it all away. I can't hold you here like this for long, I'd hate it if I made you stray. I'll be ok, there's always more paint when the rainbow comes, just first let the rain wash everything away. I love you, but life just isn't a fairy tale story. A Life isn't a story, it's a beautiful painting that can never be erased.

Pages of a story can be erased, re-written, or burned. An artwork as amazing as you can't be rid of the only canvas you have to paint this life story upon. You can try to cover up the spots with more paint, you'll always know what was once there. Some let it show, some learn to hide love or pain, to each their own. But your life is this amazing painting, don't let anyone throw it away, not even yourself cause you know I'll love you always.

A life is more than just a story, you know I'll always love you just the same.

Addicted

Without you I can’t breath,

you’re like my weed.

I am addicted to you.

It’s like you’re a drug.

Like a demon I can’t face down.

It’s like you’re a leash,

sucking the freedom out of me.

It’s like I just can’t breath,

without you inside of me.

It’s like I’m giving up slowly.

Like you’re a ghost haunting me,

in my dreams.

You’ve taken over me.

I just can’t take it,

just one more hit.

I promise I can deal with it,

only if you get me through this.

I’m hooked on you.

It’s like I can’t see anything,

but you.

Nothing but you,

in my thoughts,

in my dreams.

You’re everywhere,

and I can’t breath without you there.

I am addicted to you.

You’re my drug,

all I’m asking for is another shot,

please?

I’ll never get over this addiction,

So just give it to me.

                                  So that I’ll finally be able to breath

Afraid to Understand

I’m afraid to love

I’m afraid to live

I’m afraid of me

What happens when

you just can’t explain

the quirks of life

When you can’t

go back to fix

that horrible day

What if you don’t

know what’s wrong

but something’s not right

When you feel

the seasons slowly slipping by

caught only in the dead of night

What happens if

you’re not you

but somehow are still here

When life

seems like some sadistic joke

meant to twist it into lies

Will we ever know

the meaning to things

the reasons for you and me

I don’t know

about life

or even about me

The confusion

will always be

forever part of my life

I’ll never know

why you loved me

why you left me

why I feel this way  

I’ll never be able to explain

but I’ll try to except

these unfortunate happenings

Don’t look back

‘cause life is just a game

just go about playing today

Caged

I cannot breathe

I cannot pray

I cannot sleep tonight.

I cannot speak

I cannot cry

I cannot sleep tonight.

I cannot sing

A heart cannot beat

I cannot live tonight

I cannot think

I cannot blink

I cannot function right

Function right….

There’s a disease running rampant in these veins

I ache for music

Blood red notes running to my heart and brain

Letting love make the most cherished sounds

At last

These sounds make my soul ache

The memory of them

Taste, taste, they feel so sweet

Sleep….

I am the half of the whole

It said unto me

I’m afraid of light and sound

Of me

Of you

Of night

What’s wrong and what’s right?

….you once told me what I want,

That no one else mattered,

No influence outside

Only in,

That moment of reflection

Grasp of reality

Tears brought to my eyes.

I know what’s right….

Dreams, we used to once upon a time

A fairy tale ending for you and me

Felt so real

Was it a lie?

Dreams….they say what I cannot speak

What I don’t dare dream….

You coming back to me.

Words used to resound in my head

Poetry, art

Creations of beauty made in slices

Sigh in contentment

Happily lazy fed

A banana for a monkey in a zoo

A zoo,

I am caged

By whom?

Growing Up

The sweet faced baby,

eager for life.

How I wish you could have kept on living such a life of pure joy.

But no on can.

Language comes to us,

and with it lies and threats,

cruelty and disappointment.

You walk,

and those steps lead you outside the shelter of your home.

To keep the joy of childhood you would have to die as a child,

or live as one,

never becoming a man,

never growing.

So I can grieve for the lost child,

and yet not regret the good man braced with pain,

and riven with guilt.

Who yet was kind to me and many others,

and whom I loved,

and whom I almost knew.

Glad he was a man,

no longer a sweet loving child.

There was no doubt he was a man,

and yet he was a good man somehow.